Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in marmalarma's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
11:40 pm	why lord why??? This takes place at the beginning of spring semester 06. I had picked up a friend of a friend at the bar and was sorta talking to her. The time came for me to take her out, you know somewhere other than the bar...I don't get why the bar wasn't good enough for her. But anyways I managed to get tickets to the MSU v. IND game through a website. We went to the game, I did my best to not blow up at every missed shot and poor call, and when I say my best I mean screaming at the top of my lungs so even the 60 yr old guy who was a fan of 40 years looked at me funny. Anyways I end up taking her home and she has homework to do or an early class or something, or it may just have been that it was a wednesday but she didn't want to go out. Ah well it was a good time I guess I should just call it a night. Ok now if you have read any of my stories or know me and believed that please kick your own ass, I never call it a night. Instead I met some friends at the bar, in fact my friend Kyle was in from out of town. That also meant that he was in town with about 10 hot ass girls. He introduced me to these girls and one in paticular, a hot little blonde, he told about how I was on the price is right. (sidenote thank you kyle). So we start chatting it up and immediately I realize that this girl is too hot for me and out of my league. So I just gave up and got drunk with my boys. Actually no that is what a lesser man with no balls would do. I instead decided to level the playing field by taking her to the bar and assualting her with a nonstop barrage of shots. Pretty soon I was sounding like casanova and she was eating it up. It is right around now when she bends over at the bar to order a drink. While doing this she kinda "bumps" her ass into me. I respond to "bumping" her back. Seeing she had no complaints to this I kept going. One thing led to another and next thing I know the bartenders have told my table to look at me and pretty soon every bartender, waittress, and friend I have at the bar are laughing at me. What are they laughing at you ask? Well I was blatantly humping this girl at the bar......for 30 minutes.....with my eyes closed......and she was loving it. How do things like this happen to me, alcohol my friends alcohol. So the night dies down and I end up bringing her home. We lay down on my bean bag and pop in a movie. And then you know....it happened. I don't think I need to really get into it, it is quite obvious what it is at this point. Ok fine fuck it i'll just come right out and say it. I passed out. I was next to a gorgeous girl who came home with me after I had humped her for 30 minutes and I...PASSED....OUT! Don't worry though it gets better, or worse depending on how you look at it. My friends were there and she wanted it so bad she hung out with them waiting for me to wake up. So they are kicking me and punching me to try and wake me up. At one point she gets up and goes to my bathroom and they finally wake me up to go in there and hit it. So I finally come to my senses and follow her into my room and take care of business. Oh yeah I passed out again. I walked the fine line between getting a girl drunk enough to come home with you and getting to drunk to do anything and I fell. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
10:13 pm	spring break part 2 i had just won the tourney and we were going out to celebrate. we went out to a local bar suppsedly because davey G knew some chicks there. they didnt show, but you know who did? every single cock in honolulu. and every single guy who played in the tournament. whatever i go with my usual philsophy, if things aren't fun and shaping up how you expected, drink until they are and you don't care what happens. we start by doing a ton of shots. i buy everyone's drinks for the night. i then proceed to make it my sole purpose to get my friend neil's fiance as drunk as humanly possible. i succeed in this with a little help from her. at one point i go to hand her a drink and neil kinda shakes his head but i am too herbified to be deterred at this point so he asks her, "do you really want that?". she replies with, "yes of course!" man neil what a keeper! neil later took her back to the hotel where she vomited every meal she had ate in her entire life. ah well thats what happens when you roll with the herbivore. now another friend we were with herion is somewhat of a lightweight. he got drunk after only 10 drinks or so, fucking pussy, and started stumbling around the bar and knocking over anything he could, on accident of course. the manager sees this and decides to cut off our whole group. i go up to the bar and the bartender refuses to serve me, knowing the drill i just play it cool and walk away not wanting to get kicked out. however my friend antoine wasnt so cool, in fact he was the opposite of cool, he was french. so he argues with the bartender saying he wasnt drunk. it just so happens that his accent literally sounds like a drunk mans slurred speech. so the bartender is having none of this and he gets kicked out by the bouncer while yelling repeadetly "but im french, im french!" sorry bud thats how we roll in america, no frenchies allowed. the night dies down after that and we get a cab home. except for sam who decides to get a limo and spends the whole ride puking in the ice bucket, or daveyG who decides to stay with some friends and has to take the bus home in the morning, which took 3 hours, and put him at a bus stop where he didnt know. he was later found by some of our housemates at a bus stop and just looked up with a puppy dog look in his eyes and said, "im lost help me please." all in all a decent celebration. (Comment on this)
9:58 pm	spring break part 1 ok for spring break i went to hawaii to play in a magic tourney and get a beach house with some of my friends from around the world. as for the tourney i won 40k or so, so it was a pretty nice spring break. as for the hanging out. i got in on a wednesday and made davey G, joseB, jeggles and sam go out to the bar with me. we went to the biggest shithole in hawaii because it was close to our place and started pounding them back. we were the only ones in the bar under 40. this night didnt seem to be going so well so i decided to tip the scales in my favor, i started ordering everyone doubles. since we had been tipping the bartender fairly well rather than make us doubles he filled up a rocks glass (about 4 in high) with ice and rum and them added about 1cm of coke to the mixture. the glass was still clear there was so much rum in those glasses. so anyways needless to say i got herbified. i got into an arguement with sam about how we beat the crap out of them in 1776 (hes english) and how we bailed them out of WWII. sam came back with the counter arguement that 1776 didnt exist time went from 1775 to 1777 and that england was going to win the WWII without our help. england, the country who could only defend itself because the whole of europe was conquered and attacking it, that country was going to win the war....right sam. then i proceeded to hit on a 50 yr old woman, now at first i had meant to just get in with her so i could hit on her daughter, but i soon forgot about that and just kept on hitting on her. now we all know there are those older women out there who are still hot, everyone has that friends mom they would love to stick it to, this however was not one of those moms. this lady was hideous. i was full blown herbified and knew that she was ugly, she was that ugly. did i let that stop me, no. i kept on hitting on her. well until i just lost steam and sat at her table not saying a word with my head down just swaying in my chair. it is at this point that davey G found me and we all left the bar. at some point leading up until now jeggles had started kicking me. this angered me. so when we got into the car we start wrestling with each other. right around now joseB spins the car in a 180 while driving on a main road. daveyG begs to be let out of the car willing to walk the last mile rather than ride with joseB. joseB just kept driving like nothing happened while daveyG kept yelling like something did indeed happen. me and jeggles kept wrestling like nothing happened and sam didnt care if anything happened. so we get back to the beach house and jelger and i continue wrestling. it is at this point that our friend Gabe has every single last material posession he brought with him carefully set out on the table to sort out. jeggles and i proceed to wrestle with each other and fall into this table knocking everything over. then i get him in a submission headlock. i pass out shortly thereafter. today was a good day. (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 19th, 2006
1:25 pm	I MADE A MISTAKE! Friday night I pick up Chet and we grab some dinner at reno's. We have a beer or two and then he makes me take him 15min. away to pick up some weed. This annoys me as it is already 8:30 and I am not herbified yet. I silently plan on putting countless shots on Chet's tab. We eventually make it out to the bar and Lisa and her friend Jess meet us up there. I introduce Chet to Jess, they are both jewish and they are both from west bloomfield, do you need a bigger in Chet??? Apparently because when the night ended she didn't leave with Chet. Ah well, back to the story. So we start the night off by ordering 2 rounds of shots everytime the waittress comes by. This results in the girls and Chet being drunk by 10pm. We hang out at Lou and Harrys for a bit then Lisa and her other roommate leave to go see some dudes, obvsiouly less cool than us, but hey drunk girls will make poor decisions. We end up heading over to the landshark, I like the landshark because of their glorious invention of the sharkbowl. A sharkbowl is a medium-large sized bowl filled with ice, about 8-10 shots worth of booze, and some various juices. Then they are brought out with a bunch of straws and my personal fav. is to break into 2-person teams and race to see who can finish first. So we are at the Shark and the booze is flowing freely which leads to dancing, one thing leads to another and B walks over and tries to request some Michael Jackson. B-Yo can you play this song (states song name) DJ-man this is the third time u've requested that song B-yea and i still havent heard it DJ-im not gonna play it stop annoying me B-your not even a real DJ, you're just a kid with an ipod and a computer. Wheres the turntables? B got kicked out shortly after that. This enrages me so I have our waittress go get the manager. I tell the manager that B got kicked out for simply requesting a song. I tell him that B was our designated driver (he was not) and hadn't even had a drink tonight (he was hammered). Then I inform him that this type of service is unacceptable and tell him to ask the waittress because we spend a lot of money here and we deserve a certain level of service. Then I ask him what kind of establishment he is running where I try and come and have a good time while being responsible and having a designated driver and you kick him out. He apoligizes profusely and says that he hopes I will come back again and shoves a bunch of free passes my way. I am satisfied and leave to catch up with my friends. We get back to our apt and order some chineese food. But before it gets there Suds has an after party lined up at this girls house. I am torn. Nothing is better than some wonton soup after a long night of drinking, well except for maybe....more drinking. I go with my heart and decide to go to the party. We arrive and I immediately regret this decision. There are maybe 3 girls here and about 15 dudes, and we brought one of the girls. Its ok I had a plan B, plan B being get shithoused drunk. I get a cup and start chugging. Next thing I know B is riverdancing in front of this guy who thinks he is Patrick Swayze from dirty dancing. The guy then jumps in the air and extends both legs out in front of him and touches his feet with each hand, then falls on his ass. The proceeding events were much akin to a gymnastics floor competition. Then he grabs Meredith and starts salsa dancing with her. And throughout all of this he is throwing gang signs non-stops. Then he tells suds to "never stop dancing bud, peace and love." I have never met an odder man with a love for dancing in my life. At this point we realize that sticks is still in the car. Yale and I go out to make sure everything is ok. We open the back door and he is sitting in the middle of the seat with his head slumped down a bit, he looks up and says, "dont leave me." Yale and I look at each other and we try to get him to come inside, he just looks up at me and says, "herby please dont leave me." Yale them slams the door in his face and we run away from him yelling, "Doooooooonnnnnnn'ttttttttt leeeaaavvveeeeee mmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeee!" At this point I realize there is a good shot that we will be seperated so I call up Nicole's roommate Alley and tell her I may need a place to sleep tonight, she says ok and she will leave the side door unlocked. A little after that everyone is leaving and I take one look at them and just run away. I don't know why I ran, I had a perfectly good ride back to the apt., but run I did. I arrive at Nicole's place shortly after and realize the front door is locked. I begin to panick but remember she said she would leave the side door unlocked. The side door is obv locked too. I try calling, no such luck. I try knocking, no answer. I immediately regret this decision. I call up suds and yell, "I MADE A MISTAKE, THEY DIDNT ANSWER THE DOOR!!!" It is about 0 degrees outside. Suds tells me they cant pick me up because a cop is following them, I become angry and start running. I finally get ahold of Gordie and he tells me that hes on his way to get me. I tell him I dont need him or anyone else and I hate the world for making me freeze to death, completely unaware that it is simply a result of my hindered decision making skills due to the large quantities of alcohol I have consumed. I call up phil and he picks me up and I pass out on his couch. A perfect end to a perfect night. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 16th, 2006
4:55 am	Chi-Town this is how we learned to get down....night 1 Ok before I go on with this story I first must use nicknames because some of the tales I am about to regale you with may summarily be counted as incriminating evidence against the guilty parties. That being said we had been planning on going to chicago for quite sometime because my friend johnnyEnglish had lost his passport and that was the closest embassay to get it. So I called up my friend Mandy and asked if we could stay with her, she is somewhat absent minded so she didn't get back to me so we just say fuck it and go anyways assuming we can get a hotel. It just so happens that I have a test the morning that we had plan on leaving and didnt get any sleep. Whatever I man up and we pick up Meathead and SirDrinksALot and head off to chi-town. I manage to get a couple hours of sleep in on the drive and we try to book a hotel room over the phone with no success do to a bad signal and we were too inept to know where we wanted the hotel to be. So our directions led us to the hilton as we assumed that was a central location in Chicago and if we couldn't find a room there we would go to somewhere else (sidenote-everyone in the group either had money or had just made a run in poker so we were all more than willing to "ball till we fall"). We arrive at the hilton and they are all booked up, however the doorman is nice enough to direct us to another hotel and even gives us a brochure and direction to it, the name slips my mind at the moment. As we are driving to this hotel the neighborhood becomes more and more shitty, we stop seeing subways and mcdonalds and start seeing liquor shops and church's chicken's. We suddenly realize that we have passed our hotel and make an illegal turn. Of course it is right in front of a cop, we explain to him that we are from out of town and didnt know where we were going and our hotel was just right there. The cop looks at his partner kinda questioningly and says you guys dont wanna stay there, in fact he forbade us to stay there and gave us directions to nicer place in town. We go back to the hilton slightly upset that the doorman had directed us to a crackhouse of a hotel that the police refused to let us stay at. These people spend their time arresting criminals, and they found that it was worth that time to not arrest criminals and tell us not to stay there. So we talk to the manager at the hilton and ask if their doorman likes playing jokes, because he just told us to drive into hell and our ever nearing deaths. We then make the manager call up every hotel she can think of and try to get us a room, no such luck. Whatever, she goes outside to yell at the doorman and I can only assume fire him and we walk out and shoot him a "nice joke" in the middle of her tirade. We end up driving for about a half an hour before we finally find a hotel with a room for thursday night only, whatever we take it and are damn happy about it. We buy some booze at the liquor store and I call up mandy and she is going to meet us at our hotel. I quickly realize that I am drained so I pop an addy to keep the night going. We retire to the room and fire up some jagerbombs, fun is had by all. Mandy arrives shortly and we make her do some jagerbombs, again fun is had by all. We go to a MSU bar in chicago, I take it as my responsibility to show her and her friends how spartans really party. I do this by ordering a nonstop barrage of shots everytime the waittress comes by. At one point mandy's friend maggie is handing her drinks to her other friend dree(sidenote-we didnt see much of dree later that night and i was later told we got her so drunk SHE COULDNT DRINK FOR A FUCKING MONTH). Mandy is also too drunk to continue so we send her in a cab home because she has class tomorrow and go out partying to this club a block down with her other roommate the mongster. At this point I am unaware of where i am, what time it is, or what is acceptable behavior. We skip the line by greasing the bouncers palm and figure why stop there and get a vip table. I demonstrate how drunk I am by wandering around aimlessly and going up to any girl i see and saying with my head down staring at the floor "i'm herb" and extending my hand as if to shake. A few walked away, a few introduced themselves, a few even tried to make conversation with me, and one girl even asked me what time it was, I replied with "i'm herb" hand extended head down. Needless to say I was kicked out shortly thereafter. The problem with this was that the bar doesnt close until 5am in chicago and it was bordering around 3am. So i had two hours to kill because as i mentioned before not only did i not know where i was but i had no idea where my hotel was nor did i even have a key if i did. So i pass the time by talking to the bouncer and every so often trying to juke and run by him only to quickly back up and say just joking bud (this guy was easily 250lbs of muscle, he could have ripped me limb from limb.) At one point i extend my hands in the air out to my sides with a 20$ in each palm saying "isnt there any way we can work this out". He declines. I again try a spin move past him only to be stopped again. Then i proceed to walk up to any girl that walks by and start talking to them asking if i can sleep at their place tonight because i am lost. They declined, i however didnt take rejection very well in my state so i decided to throw a few insults back some of the highlights are ; "its ok babe i dont wanna sleep on a bed of cheeseburger wrappers anyways", (i look over both of my shoulders) "i dont see anyone else waiting in line", "hey your not going to do any better than me so you mine as well settle", "yea i guess id be a bitch too if i were a raging dyke." So everyone eventually makes it out of the club and we take a cab back. Somewhere during this cab there is talk of a strip club, i am way to tired for that and i have to pee. So i tell the cabby to pull over before i pee on his cab, this is in the middle of a busy road that he stops, i run out and proceed to piss in some bushes in plain view. Then when they yell at me to get back in the cab i decide they will just make me go to a strip club and not sleep so i run away, where to i dont know. All i know is the next few hours were nonexistant as they went to the mongsters place and ended up back at the hotel before me. I walk into the lobby and realize i dont have my key. I make them call my room to confirm that i stay there. They call and no answer, i beg them to let me up there. They refuse, i tell them about how i got kicked out of the bar and my friends left me for dead (or naked women). They again refuse. I make them call again. No answer. I am there for two hours argueing with them(in reality it was 30 minutes tops but in my drunken stupor i thought it was two hours). Finally SirDrinksALot gets on the phone and tells the clerk, and i quote, "ship the sherbert to herbert." Apparently that was all they needed to hear because they proceeded to let me up. sidenote-the more i recall that night the more i think that the clerk was continually telling me i could go up to the room but i was too drunk to realize it so i began arguing with them about why they should let me up and stating how bad my night was, all the while they are saying it is ok for me to go and being completely cooperative. So I get to the room and immediately pass out. While i am passed out SirDrinksALot and Meathead decide to call up LITERALLY every escort service in the phone book. And to top it all of SirDrinksALot's and the mongster's phones got switched up so the mongster had escort services leaving messages on his phone for days. So they finally manage to get some hookers over to the hotel only to realize that they have been duped and the girl werent even hot enough for them (the girls) to pay to have sex with. However being a master of negotiation that these two are they start arguing over the price, because hey u dont call some hooks over to the room to not run it. This is going ok until the hooks see me and johnnyEnglish passed out in the only bed in the room. They say something along the lines of who are those two guys. SirDrinksALot plays it cool and says its no big deal theyre cool they wont wake up. The prosties tell them they wont do anything with us in the room. Then they proceed to get the door slammed in their faces. The next morning I wake up and think wow thats weird why am i sleeping so close to JohnnyEnglish, then i look over my right shoulder and think wow now thats really odd because Meathead is on my other side, THEN i lean up little further and see SirDrinksALot asleep on his right side. Yep they turned down the prosties to run it 4 deep in the only bed in the room with me and johnnyEnglish. Oh what a night. to be continued...... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 13th, 2006
7:42 pm	Chi-town you know how we get down.... So friday night we go out to the shark, because we now hate ricks(read last story). It turns out to be just another ordinary night at the bar, you know non-stop shots, hitting on skeezers, schroeder going behind the bar to pour us free drinks. Then the time comes for us to leave so me and schroeder end up catching a cab(one of the full conversion van cabs). We make it back to my apt and as we are pulling up schroeder tells me that hes not gonna pay this fuck and hes gonna make a run for it. Well that is fine and dandy for him since he is sitting right next to the door but I am in the far back seat. So the cab stops and he proceeds to get out and book it, fall after taking about two steps and get up and sprint off, meanwhile I am edging out of the cab while the cabdriver is yelling at us. I finally get out and make a run for it, I come upon a small crop of trees and suddenly I see a rather thick rope tied between them, QUICK DECISION, I decide to just run right through it. It is about thigh high and I proceed to flip head over heels over the rope, then I try to crawl away when the cabby catches up to me. cabby-what the fuck do you think your doing me-i dunno man i was chasing after that kid, whats going on right now cabby-pay me for the ride me- sure np (ship him a 10) cabby-dont ever try and get a ride from me again (as he is walking away) me-dont you fucking talk down to me you drive a goddamn cab so I make it back to the apt. and start chatting online trying to get any girl I can to come over and hop on a one way train to pound-town. None accept but one girl who lives in Chicago offers up the idea that I should drive there and hang out. Although I am sure she didn't mean that moment that is how I took it. I call up this other girl I know who lives there and tell her I am coming out (its 3am at this point and I am obliterated). I run and pack my bags and come out of my room in my coat, scarf, and hat (because chicago is rather windy), with a full suitcase and announce to my roommates that I am leaving for chicago. They point out that I am rather drunk, the gears start working in my head and I realize that not only would me driving to chicago be highly illegal and dangerous but there is also a 99% chance I'd pass out at the wheel. So I put on my poker face and tell Gordie he should come with me, he is hesitant so I tell him that I am driving there no matter what and he is too good of a friend to let me drive drunk (I most definately would not have driven myself.....I hope). He finally agrees and I call up mandy to get her address and we write down directions and head off. About 30 minutes into the drive I realize that I have forgotten my phone and ask gordie if he has his, he tells me he lost his a week ago, I think about this for a second and decide that he is just playing a joke on me and really does have his phone, because well if he doesn't we should probably turn back and that would just be stupid. I pass out and we eventually make it to chicago after deciphering my directions which look like they were written by a 4 yr. old and have every street spelled at least 2 letters wrong. It is around this point that I realize that I have forgotten to write down her address also, so now I am banking on just recognizing her place after having been there only once before. We manage to find the right place and knock on her door.....no answer. We get some breakfast at a dinner and come back.....no answer. We sleep in the car till 11am and I go and buy some underwear (didnt pack any/wear any)....thank the lord someone answers. I proceed to go into her room and wake her up telling her, "i'm here." She starts laughing, i'm still not entirely sure she believed that I was coming. I begin to realize that maybe it is rude to drive 4 hours away and arrive at your friends with almost no notice in the wee hours of the morning to stay there and party for the night so I rack my brain for what I can tell mandy we can do to make her not realize this. I obviously ask her if she wants to go shopping. She seems happy, I am one tricky devil. We end up doing a bit of shopping and come back for naps as we have been up all night driving or sleeping in my small ass truck. We wake up and go and get some booze with her roommate the mongester. We go out for dinner and get some margeritas at this mexican place, and her friend Maggie proceeds to get fall down drunk after 1, I guess thats the perks of being a 100 lbs. soaking wet, and barely over 5ft tall, damn you tolerance, damn you. We head back to their place and play some family guy drinking games, the rules range from drinking everytime peter gets hurt to drinking anytime stewie plots on how to kill lois. We go out to Mandy's bar to grab some mroe drinks as she has to work until 2 tonight. She points out the guy she has a crush on, he is 45 years old and has 4 kids or so thats what the rumors are(he was really 30 with no kids, but still looked like a douchebag). The night turns out to be less than exciting after this. We make the mongster hit on this girl who he got a bj from then took our her friend, and she was there with another guy, he gave it a good effort tho. We head over to the club next door when mandys bar closes and I make her do 4 jagerbombs in a row to catch up. I then proceed to get into a dance-off with a small asain girl, this time I believe that I won. I now think that my dancing skills can only come out in dark clubs playing shitty house music. I top the night off by chugging buffalo sauce when we get back to her place and passing out in her bed. We didn't fool around or anything but damn was that buffalo sauce tasty. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 9th, 2006
1:40 pm	That escilated quickly DISCLAIMER: TO ANY GIRLS WHO PLAN ON READING THIS AND THINK THAT I AM SOMEWHAT OF A NICE GUY, READ NO FURTHER YOUR OPINION IS BOUND TO CHANGE AS I AM, HOW DO I PUT THIS, SOMEWHAT UNKIND IN MY RETELLING OF THE WOMEN INVOLVED IN THIS NIGHT. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Last night we went to B-Dubs to watch the pistons and MSU bball game. Tony G came out in standard wednesday fashion. I ordered some food to soak up the copious amounts of booze that I will inevitably injest tonight. At about halftime we start ordering rounds of shots everytime the waittress comes around. The pistons are winning, the spartans are winning, the shots are flowing, i love life. At one point during the game tonyG makes the waittress feel his hands, claiming that they are the softest youll ever feel. They are in fact soft, and yes he is in fact gay. They have a raffle for a MSU jersey and they handed out free tickets. They call off the numbers and tonyG starts yelling "blondie! blondie! call out another number." She gives us a funny look and puts the mike down, she is not amused. Some girls walk up to claim the jersey, I am angered by this. I start yelling that women can't wear jerseys, they in turn are not amused. I quench the fires of rage with some beer. It seems to be working. At about 945 me and tonyG head over to Ricks to try and avoid the line. We get a few beers and post up at the only table left. The waittress doesn't immediately come over to start the endless barrage of shots that will ensue, I am angered, then I remember she is gorgeous, I let it slide. She makes her way over and I ask her a question that has been nagging at me for months. No I dont ask her out, I leave that to Hooven and Chet to get shot down at. I ask her if anyone else in East Lansing spends as much as we do at the bar (sidenote-our bar tabs regularly peak 400+ when the most expensive drink at the bar is about 5$). She confirms my suspicions we are indeed the most bout it bout it niggas in East Lansing. We ask her why we don't have VIP cards because now we are obviously too important to wait in line. She doesn't know and says we should talk to the manager, tonyG says "no, no, no sweetie the manager needs to come and talk to US." Everyone else arrives shortly after, tonyG orders 10 labatts. We inquire if he is bringing out the canadian hockey team with him. At some point in the might our waittress from last night comes by and says hi, she leans into her friend and whispers something. The only part I can make out is "this guy tipped me...." , I smile, I rule the world with an iron fist full of cash. Everyone was wrong happiness can indeed be bought, I demonstrate this by ordering another round of shots. I in turn am happy. Some skeezers roll over that know tonyG. Two of them are hot as fuck and one of the hotties is all over tonyG. This is the turning point in the night, because one of her friends, a hogbeast if there ever was one, starts pulling her away from tony. It is clear that the chunkseedaisy will not let tonyG take the skeezer home. At this point I have two options, a. I can hit on the other hot skeezer and hope that tonyG can manage to secure his skeezer from the hogbeast. or b. I can man up and hit on the hogbeast to wingman it for tonyG. Being the friend that I decide to wingman it for tonyG. One of the deciding factors in this was the other hot skeezer (who happens to be in my major) tells me she can't wait to graduate so she can start making 30k a year. It is all I can do to not laugh in her immaculate breasts, because I haven't looked her in the eyes yet, 30k is not only a comical sum to be excited to make, but it is a disgrace of a sum to make if you are a packaging major. Stupid girl, jobs are for men. So I man up and wingman it. We descend onto the dance floor, I make the best of the situation and start saying the most obscene things I can to the chunker. Then is happened. It was like an episode of when animals attack. I had a hippo descend upon me and start making out with me, in front of everyone. I am embarassed and disgusted. I console myself of the years of slavery I will subject his firstborn child to, which he obviously owes me after this. The other hot skeezer eventually grabs up tonyG's hottie and my hogbeast and makes them leave. Oh sweet irony. I wingmanned it with the landwhale to try and hook up tonyG and the hottie was the one who cockblocked him. I then realize that I also got cockblocked.....from taking a chunker home! I no longer rule the world. I am less than a man. Then I have what drunks refer to a moment of clarity and I realize that I dont have to wingman it with a chunker anymore. Thank you hot skeezer, if you ever read this I owe you one. It is at this point that Suds comes over and informs us that we have to leave NOW. Apparently Sticks got kicked out or was in the process of getting kicked out. The bouncer asked him to leave because he had his head down, sticks told him to fuck off and go get the manager claiming that he pays this fucks salary, which he indeed does. The manager comes over and tells sticks to leave. The bouncer tries to fight him, now for those of you that dont know sticks, he attained this nickname because he is disabled and walks around on crutches. So now we have this bouncer trying to start shit with our disabled friend. I dont care if the kid takes his pants off and pisses on your foot in the middle of the bar, which he indeed has done, you dont fuck with my boy sticks. This incites our group into dangerous riot levels. Suds who has a clear head closes out all of our tabs and escorts us out of the bar. The bouncer follows us out and informs us that we wont be allowed back in, we laugh in his face and ask him if he really wants to follow us out into the parking lot and start shit with us. He no longer has the crew of Ricks at his back and slinks back into the bar. I vow to avenge this wrong doing by making another one of East Lansings finer establishments rich. I start by hitting up menna's joint. The night begins to wind down and we take a cab back to our apt, we alternate between calling up every girl we know with promises of a gangbang or telling anyone we can talk to online to go get there fucking shineboxes, suprisingly they do not accept and drive over at 3am to run it, and our friends do not get their shineboxes. I slip into a liquor induced coma feeling as if I have failed at something tonight but cant seem to recall what. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 8th, 2006
12:20 pm	last night so last night we head out to B-Dubs to get some drinks while watching the pistons game. I hadn't planned on getting drunk as i have an early class the next day that i dont want to skip. This is when it happens, chet calls me out. He questions my manhood because I won't get drunk. In his words he is trying to get "herbified" tonight. Not being one to back down....ever i man up and start pounding them away. Chet and I make a wager that if the pistons score over 100 points he picks up the bar tab and if they score under 100 points i pick up the bar tab, and if you know me you know that our bar tabs are nothing to be taken lightly. We get to the bar order a round of shots, and dont stop until they kick us out (often before closing time). The pistons score 98. The best team in the league coming off of a loss cant put up 100 vs one of the worst teams in the league, not to mention that they lost the game. I hate my life. I order another round of shots. I now love my life. We leave b-dubs and head to ricks. This is my last memory of the night. I wake up in Nicoles bed, she is at her parents who live an hour away. This is the im that i got from her roommate. JamLynn015: so apperently you went into alleys room to try to pee there, thinking it was the bathroom, it was not, so you went outside, and peed all over our porch.... alley said that you were peeing there because someone was in the bathroom, which was completely false... Marmalarma: JamLynn015: so apperently you went into alleys room to try to pee there, thinking it was the bathroom, it was not, so you went outside, and peed all over our porch.... alley said that you were peeing there because someone was in the bathroom, which was completely false... sometimes i think i should stop drinking.....then i have nights like this to remind me of how awesome it is. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
5:57 am	Super Bowl 06' (Guest writer: Dean Hamrick) Super Bowl 2006 With the SuperBowl being in town for the first time in 25 years the metro Detroit area was popping. Jessicas brother was having a party, nadel was having people over and I actually got an offer to buy 2 tickets to the game. What did I do? You guessed it, went to the riv at 4 oclock and started getting, what I like to call, “Break your crutches drunk”. If any of you have heard my panama city or clutch cargo stories you know this night would be filled with only the mayhem a liquor induced coma can produce. 4:10 We get to the bar and realize we are the only ones there. Little did we know they still didn’t technically open for another 30 minutes. With our sterling reputation around the city as not only outlandish drunks, but also big tippers, we were not met with resistance when we ordered our first drinks. The waitress seems actually pleased to serve us as it gets her away form her previous duties of cleaning the mens bathroom. She likes us, as she should, we’re prolly the funniest people she has ever met. 4:25: In addition to the thousand dollars worth of prop bets I have already made Jamin has now talked me into betting an additional g note on the seahawks. After two beers gambling excessively on sports seems my best way to ensure fun will be had tonight. I kindly accept his offer to place my bet for me. 4:30 The waitress doesn’t believe that me and Yale are twins. I assure her I got the looks and charm, while he was blessed with the anger, rage and male pattern baldness associated with most hamrick men. She thinks I am funny. I remind her that her real job is to keep getting me on my way to shitfacedville. We order a round of carbombs. 4:32 I contemplate asking for a new waitress as she bristles at the idea of us starting shot rounds at such an hour, but that idea is quickly dismissed as I realize we will probably not find a waitress with a better rack then her, I order another round, and suggest maybe she bring the next round without opening her mouth. 4:40 Worm finally makes his way into work. Worm is a part owner of the riv and an old poker buddy of mine. I am quickly reminded why I like worm so much as he orders the four of us a round of shots on the house and follows that by calling his bookie and getting us in on his squares for the game. I remind worm that we are friends and not to kick me out of his bar later. Worm thinks for a minute, prolly recounting our last visit to the riv where herby dry humped a girl at the bar while worm and the rest of the bartenders watched and laughed uncontrollably. Needless to say, worm made no promises. 5:00 The game of darts we started over an hour ago finished in me throwing the dart wildly and hitting the light fixture on the ceiling. We decided that in our current state we were no longer eligible to hurl pointy metallic objects around the bar, the game ended in a draw. 6:18 The game is starting and much to my pleasure the coin has flipped tails and the Seahawks have elected to receive (both of which I made prop bets on). I am yelling in joy to the other table in the bar and now have them and the entire wait staff convinced the flip of that little coin just won me ten grand. I order another round to celebrate my fake victory. 7:00 My buddy dan gets off work and meets us up at the bar. Dan is one of the good friends I have made here at college. Aside from his humble upbringings as a total tool, we have transformed Dan into a semi respectable guy who doesn’t always embarrass himself around women anymore. He even has a girlfriend now, a feat I credit directly to my tootelage of him. He’s come a long way since pushing sarah bowley down a flight of stairs at the frye house. I remind Dan, before he even has time to sit, that this is a bar and and he looks incredibly thirsty. I order another round. 8 or 9 At this point I’m not sure who is winning the game, or even if they are still playing, my prop bets are going swimmingly and I am on board with my first class ticket to shitfacedville. The waitress informs suds that her and the other staff members are making bets as to what time we will get kicked out at. Suds wants to get in on the action. 9:15 I have started smacking suds in the face now. Suds is not nearly as drunk as me. He orders me some food to sober me up, and tells me that if I do not refrain from slaping him he will burn me with his lighter. If you know anything about the nature of my and suds’ relationship you know that these are not empty threats. The slapping continues, he burns me with his lighter, I find this funny and continue slapping until the intense pain from the flame becomes great enough to match the numbing effect the alcohol has on me. 9:30 I have found my way into the back room of the riv. Whether or not worm invited me back here or is even okay with my presence in this room is unknown to me. I think he is asking me to play his internet poker game for him. Little does he know that I probably couldn’t have spelled my own name at this point, let alone make the decisions necessary to respect and beat what is more than likely a 5 dollar sit n go tournament. I leave the room to find my brother. 10 or so As is usually the case with a brother who has rage problems and formerly served our country, 15 rounds of shots has brought us to aggressive physical altercation stage. We are now on the other side of the building, directly in front of the bar doing shots. Somehow it becomes apparent that we need to start slapping each other as hard as humanly possible. As Gordie and suds restrain yale, I grab him by the shirt, and with the force of god smack him as hard as I can in the face. We repeat this process a few times each taking our shots. Worm informs suds that he will probably have to kick me out shortly. 10:01 or so Playing pool across the bar a rather gay black man sees our slapping activities and decides not only is it funny, but he wants in. I don’t have a problem slapping the shit out of anyone, let alone this flaming homosexual. Yale holds him back and give him a good shot right in the chops. We proceed to do a shot together, I like him. 10:30 The game is over, someone has won, though I am not clear as to who, and suds is angling that maybe it’s time to leave before we are escorted out. We close out our tab and walk out the door. Suds stays for a second to say goodbye to worm. When he returns to the car my head is down and I am quiet. For a moment Suds simply assumes that I have fallen into an alcohol induced slumber, but those emotions are quickly put to rest when I lift my heads and raise my hands as I yell to the heavens like will farrel in the dart scene of Old School. Then, just like that I am quiet again. My head slumps back down, chin resting firmly on my chest. Then out of nowhere I repeat this process explaining to suds that I have broken my hand. I want nothing more than some sympathy for the hand that I now believe is broken. My hand is indeed not broken, though it is clear that I have fallen (which is not surprising bc one of my crutches is broken from a wild night just days prior). 11:00 The next half hour or hour are somewhat of a blur. I know we are at the apartment, Yale is sleeping, and suds is having sex with his girlfriend. Gordie is awake and typing at the computer to a friend. This could be fun. Gordie and I, both very inebriated, decide it would be a good idea ot inform this girl that he would like to be on her, and stick his penis between her breasts. She is not amused. After some more unfnyn conversation that included him asking her “where she wanted it?” we decided we were starting to sober up and made our way to the bar within walking distance from the apartment. 11:15 how we got into this bar is beyond me. Now 7 hours into our drinking adventure I neter Maggies (the bar) and promptly hand the bouncer my keycard to the apartment and do not understand why he doesn’t accept this as proper identification. After finding my ID Gordie and I make our entrance known to the 15 to 20 people in the bar still drinking on a Sunday night. The waitress comes up. Time to fuck with her. I let he know that I think she has been drinking on the job and should probably be fired for being drunk at work. While I totally pulled this one out of my ass, she somehow remarked that her boss said the same thing to her. Confused I did what I know how to do best. I ordered 4 shots of jager with a couple beerbacks for me n gordie to get back on track. Little did I know the excessive shot taking was going to be the end of me on this particular night. 12:00 I am trying to convince the waitress that she will not get fired for doing shots with us. While she finds me wildly amusing she is not sold on the idea, I tell her I will hide her from her boss, and do so by holding my arm up, clearly not blocking anything. I do all of this while taking a shot with my other hand, what a drunken mess I am. ??? This is when the night gets a little hazy. After talking to some random guys at the bar and doing shots with them and our waitress gordie starts a game of pool with a few of them. The waitress leaves and this is the last Dean was heard of. I disappear. Gordie spends the rest of the night looking for me. No one has a clue where I am, including myself. The next thing I remember is waking up, dazed, very confused, and cold, in the back seat of a jeep wrangler. I don’t know the owner of this vehicle nor do I have any idea how I got into it. I do know that I was violently shaking from cold and stumbled my way back to the apartment, falling over at least 10 times on the way back. When I got in Yale and Gordie tell me that my speech was inaudible and nothing could be heard over the chatter of my teeth anyway. I told them where they could shove their shine boxes and passed out. (Comment on this)
Monday, February 6th, 2006
11:31 pm	Spring Break Cancun Highlights....becase i cant remember it all Ok junior year me and 10 of my friends decided to go onto spring break in Cancun. We were all broke but we managed to scrape together whatever we could to make this trip happen and booze it up. Here are some of the high points of the trip, well the ones i can remember at least. -We check into the hotel and our rooms arent ready yet. So we leave our bags at the front desk and head to the pool to get some drinks. B and I immediately take off our shirts and start playing ping pong, however the ocean breeze prevents us from playing an actal game. Well eventually we are at the bar in the hotel having a few drinks when B decides he wants to score some weed. So he asks the bartender, "yo quero moulta?" (translation : do you have weed? i dont know if the spelling is right all i know is what i heard him say and what it meant, i dont know spanish so if its wrong go fuck urself) The bartender gets this confused look in his eyes and says "moulta", B says "yea yea moulta". The bartender then says "moulta is for girls, u want manly drug, eh?", B wisely starts to get a little suspicious and asks "like what?". The bartender doesnt say a word but just holds out his arm and starts slapping his forearm with two fingers while laughing. B and I exchange scared looks and take our drinks to the other bar. -The first night there I decide to let loose a little bit and get herbified (drunk beyond belief). It's time for dinner so Sticks brings me up to the room to change out of my bathing suit. I then proceed to take off my bathing suit in the middle of the room right in front of him and shake my package while yelling "caliente" (this translates to HOT in spanish). Sticks starts giggling at the sight of my 6'3" skinny naked ass standing there shaking my genitals while yelling in a forieng language, he then decides this is a great photo opportunity. I realize what is happening and wrestle his camera phone away from him to delete the pic.......still naked. Sticks realizing that a drunk naked herby is about to descend upon him throws the camera away from him in defeat. Again I emerge victorious. I celebrate by passing out in the shower in a puddle of my own vomit, then wake up still drunk and take a cab to where the bar crawl is with all of my friends that i had missed. -We are all riding the bus to a bar and one of the girls we went with is short so she is kicking her feet going "wee this is fun i have so much leg room", she then looks over at me and says "it must suck to be you herby". Well I hadn't heard her first revalation so for all I knew she had just looked over and layed an enourmous beat upon me, so what was I to do? Respond in kind my friends, respond in kind. I turn to her and say in all seriousness, "your thighs look fat". She replies in a haughty tone, "well that doesnt bother me". To which I reply "well it should because its the truth". DING! I make up with her later at the club by telling her (after she shoots me down), "your not going to do any better than me babe, so you mine as well just settle." -We are all at a club one night and the mexican bartender walks over with a fifth of tequila and a whistle. He starts blowing his whistle and asks who wants body shots. B looks over to this group of girls we met earlier that night and picks one out and asks "how bout it" she says "no, no". B then proceeds to lay her down on the bench, pull up her shirt while the mexican is blowing his whistle nonstop and pouring tequila on her stomach. B licks it all off and the girl dazed at having just been taken advantage looks questioningly at B. B sinply replies "oh my god, im sorry did you say no? I thought u said GO! GO!" B tops the night off by jumping on a cage with a girl dancing in it and starts humping it like a monkey. -At the club one night i wander away from the herd to pick up some girls. I start dancing with this one girl and her friend and pull out my pantented move of bending over and shoving my butt into them, u know pretending like im a girl and theyre a guy, they all get a kick out of this and the girl im dancing with tells me "your crazy". I say "you wanna see crazy ill show u crazy" then proceed to bend her over the stage and humping the shit outta her. We start to make out a bit and she leaves for the bathroom and tells me to wait right there for her return. It is at this point that i realize that i have no money for a cab, nor do i remember where my hotel is, and i am pretty sure at this time i didnt even know the name of my hotel. So sadly i walk back to my group of friends in defeat. alcohol- 109480849584 Herby- 0 -As a little prelude to this next story you need to know that everyday me and B were hungover so bad from a combination of cheap tequila and sun. So we did what anyone else would do, stayed in and watched jerry springer and maury. Now in case you didnt already know this nothing helps a hangover better than watching a midget fight a 400 lb. black lady because she is having thier transvestite lover's kid. And to top it all off each show ends with girls flashing the audience for their "Jerry Beads." Exit prelude, enter story. So we are at this Mardi Gras party at some bar and there is a hot body contest on stage. The girls are dancing and it is nothing spetacular as none of them are getting naked, this fueled by the fact that i had been drinking all day angers me greatly. So i nudge B and start yelling "show your tits" over and over again in classic Jerry Springer style. Eventually the whole crowd joins in. I feel like god at having incited a mob. Show the girl on stage eventually takes off her top only to have 2 security guards come over and stand in front of her and make her put her top back on while the announcer tells the audience that no nudity is allowed. OK, this is fucking mexico, this is spring break, this is a mardi gras party, and this is a FUCKING HOT BODY CONTEST!! What the fuck do you mean no nudity. I do what any other red blooded american college student who had incited a riot would do. I turned the riot ugly. I started yelling "boo this man! BOOOOOOOOO!" The crowd follows suit while proceeding to pelt the announcer with beer bottles and cans. Having done my job I wander off to urinate somewhere. -sidenote: I later returned to my friends that night to tell them if they have to shit dont use the one 4th from the right because i pissed over the TP and all over the seat.....this was followed by me telling them to not use the 3 next to that one also. -This story also takes place at the Mardi Gras party. Suds wanders off and suddenly finds himself all alone in the middle of about 1000 people. Then is happens. Some drunken frat boy shoulders into him and here is the conversation that follows Fratboy-apologize suds- huh? fratboy- you bumped into me apologize suds- stop being childish dude u bumped into me (Enter 4 of Fratboys friends) friends- you gonna apologize or what (here suds is thinking which one of these mother fuckers am i gonna have to punch first before they beat my ass) now before i continue you must understand that while suds is arabic he is dark skinned and has often been confused for black, see this picture http://community.webshots.com/photo/333388557/1333392350063485288dWuwYn this being coupled with the fact that at the time he had a gigantic fro. now back to the story So suds is about to get jumped by 5 fratboys when suddenly......... out jumps 4 huge ass brothas brothas-yo we gonna have a problem here or what suds-YEA!!! fratboys-no man were cool (fratboys slink away like dogs with their tails between thier legs) it was like someone literally turned on the black signal and some brothas came to suds rescue. I top the trip off by peeing all over the trash can in our bathroom and telling the hotel about it on the comment card they give us, along with the room number knowing that it will be too late for them to stop the cleaning lady from touching my urine but not too late for them to let her know the bad news. hey im an asshole so sue me. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 1st, 2006
11:41 am	Why you shouldnt let me crash at your house.... So a bunch of us are home from state for the weekend and we decide to meet some friends at a bar by greektown to booze it up. I end up carpooling with adam and his gf crissa so i can get wasted and not have to drive home. The night goes according to plan and i do indeed get wasted. The night is highlighted by me going up to any girl i know and bending over while proceeding to "booty bounce" them. They are eating it up, or at least im drunk enough to think they are. Anyways we are driving home and in my drunken stupor i realize that i can't pass out at adam's place because hes gonna wanna nail his g/f. So being the quick thinker that i am i call up Nicole who also happens to be home for the weekend. Here is the next few phone conversations. me- Hey Nicole- whats up babe me- im coming over nicole- sure me- i gotta come over because i cant stay at adams tonight nicole- sure me- im sorry but i cant stay at adams because he is there with his girlfriend nicole- sure me- ok thanks ill be over in a bit 5 minutes later i call her back nicole-hey babe me-WHAT!!! nicole-huh? me-i said ill be over in 5 minutes god! nicole-uhhh ok me-why are u calling me now nicole-no u called me me- oh so u dont want me to come over now, fine ill just walk home nicole- no you can come over me- fine just stop calling me ill be over in a bit sidenote- i did honest to god believe that she called me, it wasnt until the next morning when i checked my call history that i uncovered the truth so after a little time i eventually end up at her house, i hang out in their den for a bit with her and her sister. They are sober and i am drunk so i take the obvious plan of action and proceed to pass out. A couple of hours go by and nicole is in bed and im still passsed out in the den and her sister is watching tv. this is when i wake up and stand up with a weird look in my eye. rachel (nicoles sister) asks me if everything is ok. I dont respond but i do however walk into their living room, unzip my pants, and proceed to relieve myself on the floor. yes. thats right. I PISSED ON THEIR LIVING ROOM FLOOR LIKE A GODDAMN DOG!! i then calmly zip up and go back to the den and pass out. rachel, by now throughly disgusted and shocked, gets up and has to leap over my piss puddle to go and wake up nicole. rachel is now shaking nicole, "your friend fucking pissed on the floor." nicole wakes up and walks into the living room seeing the disaster at hand and tries to wake me up. If any of you have been around me when ive been passed out drunk you know how futile her efforts are. the world could end and i would sleep through it in drunken bliss. so she ends up having to clean up MY PISS! wow. sometimes i wonder why shes even my friend. sidenote- i didn't even know that i had pissed on her floor until a week after it happened when she told me. (Comment on this)
4:46 am	My First Break-up So i had been dating this girl for 6-7 months now in my sophomore year of college. We were kinda serious but we fought a good amount. I think this stemmed from the fact that she was crazy, no i mean the woman was literally insane. She would tell me she wanted more space then call me up later that night to hang out. She would say she wanted to break up with me then come over the next day and bring me taco bell and apologize (i by the way love taco bell). The woman was nuts plain and simple. So summer time rolls around and we had been fighting on and off because she was being a bitch for the past month or so. So one night i come home from a short stint across the border where i had partaken in a few cocktails with some friends of mine. So needless to say i was hammered. On the 30 min ride home the GF calls me up and asks me to come over, im thinking jackpot, i got drunk and im getting laid tonight sweet. So i get to her house about 30 minutes later and shes sleeping. I wake her up and she tells me to go home. I am slightly confused by this as she had just called me to come over. She explains she has to work tomorrow so she needs to sleep, i tell her thats fine just move over cause im sleeping at her place tonight as i am drunk and dont want to drive home. She yells at me and tells me to leave so i bring up the fact that she is a bitch and has been so for the past month. This leads her into the tirade where she tells me blah blah blah, i stopped loving you months ago, blah blah blah, thats why ive been a bitch, blah blah blah, i wanna break up, blah blah blah random insult thrown in there directed at me....so right now im just sitting there stunned as she is going on and on. Since i am kind of drunk i dont really have my wits about me to comeback with any spiteful remarks so halfway through her little spiel i decide im gonna spit in this bitches face. So there she is laying into me and there i am working up this massive loogie in my mouth. So she ends her little rant with a clever little phrase "so what do you think about that!" i respond with "what do you think about this bitch!" and spit the enourmous loogie i have been working on for 5 minutes into her face. Now this thing was massive. Im pretty sure it took up half of her face when it hit, and oh did it hit. If we were playing battleship i wouldve just sunk her destroyer, it was that good of a shot. So anyways having just stated my point in our arguement i decided to get up and leave. She follows me outside and starts yelling "ill fucking kill you" "i hate you" "how dare you", while i just yell "get the fuck back inside bitch!" it is about now that i realize that this is like something out of jerry springer, and if any of you have seen the show before you can understand my thinking in assuming that the cops were gonna get called at any point for noise disturbance. Keeping in mind i was drunk and underage at the time i got into my car and floored it all the way home. And that my friends is the story of my first break-up. moral of the story- dont break up with me while im drunk unless u like getting spat on. (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 29th, 2006
11:38 pm	herby gets herbified and gets into a dance off So this past saturday everyone is coming to visit to go to the frat party at the betas. Bartell comes up with some friends and tony G comes out. We end up hitting up lou and harrys for a little predrinking. Nothing too crazy. We leave around 11 to head over to betas after making a quick stop at the liquor store. we pick up a few fifths and carry on in the cab. during the ride i am working on breaking up tonyG and his woman by promising her trips to exotic locations. Obviously she saw right through my clever ploy. We arrive at betas and start going cruising for some girls. Bartel pulls out the price is right line (a whole other story) and we start talking to some chicks. None of them are that hot but one his nice cans so i proceed to ask her if they are built for speed or comfort, she is less than amused. Whatever shes not hot enough for me to apologize for making an ass out of myself. We all agree that the party is lame and want to head over to PSI U where my friend Erik's frat is having a party. We for some reason at this point think that a. not only can we hail down a car driving on grand river to drive us to the party but b. that said car can hold all 5 of us. Luckily the girl we were with was in a sorority and makes some chick come and drive us to the party. We arrive at the frat and i immediately proceed to request the song Grillz by Nelly every 5 minutes or so. I start dancing with some girl but as all of my friends dissapear i am lacking the proper wingman and her friend basically just stands there while we dance. I obviously try to run the dance in the middle with both of them but she wasnt having it. Eventually they go to the bathroom and i take this as them not being into it and wander off annoyed. I find my friends by the door but again they leave me. I look into the street and see the same sorority girl that drove us here. I hop in shotgun and tell her to give me a ride, bartel's friends hop in with some broad, bartel is long gone at this point, and we get the hell outta there. The driver is pissed at driving a bunch of drunk asses around so she refuses to drive me to another party. I then just have her stop the car on grand river exit and start running towards the party. As i am running i pass by some girls sitting on their porch and they yell at me asking why im running, i reply with "u gotta burn off them carbs" and continue sprinting only to hit a muddy patch and bite it right in front of said broads. I get up and continue running, because hey the faster i get there the faster i can drink and strike out with sluts. I am now sitting at this party when i see pete dancing with some girls and i just sit there thinking i can dance better than this mother fucker (i indeed cant). So i challenge him to a dance off. By now i am about 20 drinks in and long since herbified so my coordination is less then stellar that doubled with the fact that i am white and drunk did not increase my dancing skills. At one point pete pulls out the worm and i just look at him and go what the fuck am i supposed to do to that and storm off in defeat. The night wraps itself up and i pass out shortly after. (Comment on this)