marmalarma (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} marmalarma) wrote,@ 2006-02-07 05:57:00 |
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Super Bowl 06' (Guest writer: Dean Hamrick)
Super Bowl 2006
With the SuperBowl being in town for the first time in 25 years the metro Detroit area was popping. Jessicas brother was having a party, nadel was having people over and I actually got an offer to buy 2 tickets to the game. What did I do? You guessed it, went to the riv at 4 oclock and started getting, what I like to call, “Break your crutches drunk”. If any of you have heard my panama city or clutch cargo stories you know this night would be filled with only the mayhem a liquor induced coma can produce.
4:10 We get to the bar and realize we are the only ones there. Little did we know they still didn’t technically open for another 30 minutes. With our sterling reputation around the city as not only outlandish drunks, but also big tippers, we were not met with resistance when we ordered our first drinks. The waitress seems actually pleased to serve us as it gets her away form her previous duties of cleaning the mens bathroom. She likes us, as she should, we’re prolly the funniest people she has ever met.
4:25: In addition to the thousand dollars worth of prop bets I have already made Jamin has now talked me into betting an additional g note on the seahawks. After two beers gambling excessively on sports seems my best way to ensure fun will be had tonight. I kindly accept his offer to place my bet for me.
4:30 The waitress doesn’t believe that me and Yale are twins. I assure her I got the looks and charm, while he was blessed with the anger, rage and male pattern baldness associated with most hamrick men. She thinks I am funny. I remind her that her real job is to keep getting me on my way to shitfacedville. We order a round of carbombs.
4:32 I contemplate asking for a new waitress as she bristles at the idea of us starting shot rounds at such an hour, but that idea is quickly dismissed as I realize we will probably not find a waitress with a better rack then her, I order another round, and suggest maybe she bring the next round without opening her mouth.
4:40 Worm finally makes his way into work. Worm is a part owner of the riv and an old poker buddy of mine. I am quickly reminded why I like worm so much as he orders the four of us a round of shots on the house and follows that by calling his bookie and getting us in on his squares for the game. I remind worm that we are friends and not to kick me out of his bar later. Worm thinks for a minute, prolly recounting our last visit to the riv where herby dry humped a girl at the bar while worm and the rest of the bartenders watched and laughed uncontrollably. Needless to say, worm made no promises.
5:00 The game of darts we started over an hour ago finished in me throwing the dart wildly and hitting the light fixture on the ceiling. We decided that in our current state we were no longer eligible to hurl pointy metallic objects around the bar, the game ended in a draw.
6:18 The game is starting and much to my pleasure the coin has flipped tails and the Seahawks have elected to receive (both of which I made prop bets on). I am yelling in joy to the other table in the bar and now have them and the entire wait staff convinced the flip of that little coin just won me ten grand. I order another round to celebrate my fake victory.
7:00 My buddy dan gets off work and meets us up at the bar. Dan is one of the good friends I have made here at college. Aside from his humble upbringings as a total tool, we have transformed Dan into a semi respectable guy who doesn’t always embarrass himself around women anymore. He even has a girlfriend now, a feat I credit directly to my tootelage of him. He’s come a long way since pushing sarah bowley down a flight of stairs at the frye house. I remind Dan, before he even has time to sit, that this is a bar and and he looks incredibly thirsty. I order another round.
8 or 9 At this point I’m not sure who is winning the game, or even if they are still playing, my prop bets are going swimmingly and I am on board with my first class ticket to shitfacedville. The waitress informs suds that her and the other staff members are making bets as to what time we will get kicked out at. Suds wants to get in on the action.
9:15 I have started smacking suds in the face now. Suds is not nearly as drunk as me. He orders me some food to sober me up, and tells me that if I do not refrain from slaping him he will burn me with his lighter. If you know anything about the nature of my and suds’ relationship you know that these are not empty threats. The slapping continues, he burns me with his lighter, I find this funny and continue slapping until the intense pain from the flame becomes great enough to match the numbing effect the alcohol has on me.
9:30 I have found my way into the back room of the riv. Whether or not worm invited me back here or is even okay with my presence in this room is unknown to me. I think he is asking me to play his internet poker game for him. Little does he know that I probably couldn’t have spelled my own name at this point, let alone make the decisions necessary to respect and beat what is more than likely a 5 dollar sit n go tournament. I leave the room to find my brother.
10 or so As is usually the case with a brother who has rage problems and formerly served our country, 15 rounds of shots has brought us to aggressive physical altercation stage. We are now on the other side of the building, directly in front of the bar doing shots. Somehow it becomes apparent that we need to start slapping each other as hard as humanly possible. As Gordie and suds restrain yale, I grab him by the shirt, and with the force of god smack him as hard as I can in the face. We repeat this process a few times each taking our shots. Worm informs suds that he will probably have to kick me out shortly.
10:01 or so Playing pool across the bar a rather gay black man sees our slapping activities and decides not only is it funny, but he wants in. I don’t have a problem slapping the shit out of anyone, let alone this flaming homosexual. Yale holds him back and give him a good shot right in the chops. We proceed to do a shot together, I like him.
10:30 The game is over, someone has won, though I am not clear as to who, and suds is angling that maybe it’s time to leave before we are escorted out. We close out our tab and walk out the door. Suds stays for a second to say goodbye to worm. When he returns to the car my head is down and I am quiet. For a moment Suds simply assumes that I have fallen into an alcohol induced slumber, but those emotions are quickly put to rest when I lift my heads and raise my hands as I yell to the heavens like will farrel in the dart scene of Old School. Then, just like that I am quiet again. My head slumps back down, chin resting firmly on my chest. Then out of nowhere I repeat this process explaining to suds that I have broken my hand. I want nothing more than some sympathy for the hand that I now believe is broken. My hand is indeed not broken, though it is clear that I have fallen (which is not surprising bc one of my crutches is broken from a wild night just days prior).
11:00 The next half hour or hour are somewhat of a blur. I know we are at the apartment, Yale is sleeping, and suds is having sex with his girlfriend. Gordie is awake and typing at the computer to a friend. This could be fun. Gordie and I, both very inebriated, decide it would be a good idea ot inform this girl that he would like to be on her, and stick his penis between her breasts. She is not amused. After some more unfnyn conversation that included him asking her “where she wanted it?” we decided we were starting to sober up and made our way to the bar within walking distance from the apartment.
11:15 how we got into this bar is beyond me. Now 7 hours into our drinking adventure I neter Maggies (the bar) and promptly hand the bouncer my keycard to the apartment and do not understand why he doesn’t accept this as proper identification. After finding my ID Gordie and I make our entrance known to the 15 to 20 people in the bar still drinking on a Sunday night. The waitress comes up. Time to fuck with her. I let he know that I think she has been drinking on the job and should probably be fired for being drunk at work. While I totally pulled this one out of my ass, she somehow remarked that her boss said the same thing to her. Confused I did what I know how to do best. I ordered 4 shots of jager with a couple beerbacks for me n gordie to get back on track. Little did I know the excessive shot taking was going to be the end of me on this particular night.
12:00 I am trying to convince the waitress that she will not get fired for doing shots with us. While she finds me wildly amusing she is not sold on the idea, I tell her I will hide her from her boss, and do so by holding my arm up, clearly not blocking anything. I do all of this while taking a shot with my other hand, what a drunken mess I am.
??? This is when the night gets a little hazy. After talking to some random guys at the bar and doing shots with them and our waitress gordie starts a game of pool with a few of them. The waitress leaves and this is the last Dean was heard of. I disappear. Gordie spends the rest of the night looking for me. No one has a clue where I am, including myself. The next thing I remember is waking up, dazed, very confused, and cold, in the back seat of a jeep wrangler. I don’t know the owner of this vehicle nor do I have any idea how I got into it. I do know that I was violently shaking from cold and stumbled my way back to the apartment, falling over at least 10 times on the way back. When I got in Yale and Gordie tell me that my speech was inaudible and nothing could be heard over the chatter of my teeth anyway. I told them where they could shove their shine boxes and passed out.
Super Bowl 2006
With the SuperBowl being in town for the first time in 25 years the metro Detroit area was popping. Jessicas brother was having a party, nadel was having people over and I actually got an offer to buy 2 tickets to the game. What did I do? You guessed it, went to the riv at 4 oclock and started getting, what I like to call, “Break your crutches drunk”. If any of you have heard my panama city or clutch cargo stories you know this night would be filled with only the mayhem a liquor induced coma can produce.
4:10 We get to the bar and realize we are the only ones there. Little did we know they still didn’t technically open for another 30 minutes. With our sterling reputation around the city as not only outlandish drunks, but also big tippers, we were not met with resistance when we ordered our first drinks. The waitress seems actually pleased to serve us as it gets her away form her previous duties of cleaning the mens bathroom. She likes us, as she should, we’re prolly the funniest people she has ever met.
4:25: In addition to the thousand dollars worth of prop bets I have already made Jamin has now talked me into betting an additional g note on the seahawks. After two beers gambling excessively on sports seems my best way to ensure fun will be had tonight. I kindly accept his offer to place my bet for me.
4:30 The waitress doesn’t believe that me and Yale are twins. I assure her I got the looks and charm, while he was blessed with the anger, rage and male pattern baldness associated with most hamrick men. She thinks I am funny. I remind her that her real job is to keep getting me on my way to shitfacedville. We order a round of carbombs.
4:32 I contemplate asking for a new waitress as she bristles at the idea of us starting shot rounds at such an hour, but that idea is quickly dismissed as I realize we will probably not find a waitress with a better rack then her, I order another round, and suggest maybe she bring the next round without opening her mouth.
4:40 Worm finally makes his way into work. Worm is a part owner of the riv and an old poker buddy of mine. I am quickly reminded why I like worm so much as he orders the four of us a round of shots on the house and follows that by calling his bookie and getting us in on his squares for the game. I remind worm that we are friends and not to kick me out of his bar later. Worm thinks for a minute, prolly recounting our last visit to the riv where herby dry humped a girl at the bar while worm and the rest of the bartenders watched and laughed uncontrollably. Needless to say, worm made no promises.
5:00 The game of darts we started over an hour ago finished in me throwing the dart wildly and hitting the light fixture on the ceiling. We decided that in our current state we were no longer eligible to hurl pointy metallic objects around the bar, the game ended in a draw.
6:18 The game is starting and much to my pleasure the coin has flipped tails and the Seahawks have elected to receive (both of which I made prop bets on). I am yelling in joy to the other table in the bar and now have them and the entire wait staff convinced the flip of that little coin just won me ten grand. I order another round to celebrate my fake victory.
7:00 My buddy dan gets off work and meets us up at the bar. Dan is one of the good friends I have made here at college. Aside from his humble upbringings as a total tool, we have transformed Dan into a semi respectable guy who doesn’t always embarrass himself around women anymore. He even has a girlfriend now, a feat I credit directly to my tootelage of him. He’s come a long way since pushing sarah bowley down a flight of stairs at the frye house. I remind Dan, before he even has time to sit, that this is a bar and and he looks incredibly thirsty. I order another round.
8 or 9 At this point I’m not sure who is winning the game, or even if they are still playing, my prop bets are going swimmingly and I am on board with my first class ticket to shitfacedville. The waitress informs suds that her and the other staff members are making bets as to what time we will get kicked out at. Suds wants to get in on the action.
9:15 I have started smacking suds in the face now. Suds is not nearly as drunk as me. He orders me some food to sober me up, and tells me that if I do not refrain from slaping him he will burn me with his lighter. If you know anything about the nature of my and suds’ relationship you know that these are not empty threats. The slapping continues, he burns me with his lighter, I find this funny and continue slapping until the intense pain from the flame becomes great enough to match the numbing effect the alcohol has on me.
9:30 I have found my way into the back room of the riv. Whether or not worm invited me back here or is even okay with my presence in this room is unknown to me. I think he is asking me to play his internet poker game for him. Little does he know that I probably couldn’t have spelled my own name at this point, let alone make the decisions necessary to respect and beat what is more than likely a 5 dollar sit n go tournament. I leave the room to find my brother.
10 or so As is usually the case with a brother who has rage problems and formerly served our country, 15 rounds of shots has brought us to aggressive physical altercation stage. We are now on the other side of the building, directly in front of the bar doing shots. Somehow it becomes apparent that we need to start slapping each other as hard as humanly possible. As Gordie and suds restrain yale, I grab him by the shirt, and with the force of god smack him as hard as I can in the face. We repeat this process a few times each taking our shots. Worm informs suds that he will probably have to kick me out shortly.
10:01 or so Playing pool across the bar a rather gay black man sees our slapping activities and decides not only is it funny, but he wants in. I don’t have a problem slapping the shit out of anyone, let alone this flaming homosexual. Yale holds him back and give him a good shot right in the chops. We proceed to do a shot together, I like him.
10:30 The game is over, someone has won, though I am not clear as to who, and suds is angling that maybe it’s time to leave before we are escorted out. We close out our tab and walk out the door. Suds stays for a second to say goodbye to worm. When he returns to the car my head is down and I am quiet. For a moment Suds simply assumes that I have fallen into an alcohol induced slumber, but those emotions are quickly put to rest when I lift my heads and raise my hands as I yell to the heavens like will farrel in the dart scene of Old School. Then, just like that I am quiet again. My head slumps back down, chin resting firmly on my chest. Then out of nowhere I repeat this process explaining to suds that I have broken my hand. I want nothing more than some sympathy for the hand that I now believe is broken. My hand is indeed not broken, though it is clear that I have fallen (which is not surprising bc one of my crutches is broken from a wild night just days prior).
11:00 The next half hour or hour are somewhat of a blur. I know we are at the apartment, Yale is sleeping, and suds is having sex with his girlfriend. Gordie is awake and typing at the computer to a friend. This could be fun. Gordie and I, both very inebriated, decide it would be a good idea ot inform this girl that he would like to be on her, and stick his penis between her breasts. She is not amused. After some more unfnyn conversation that included him asking her “where she wanted it?” we decided we were starting to sober up and made our way to the bar within walking distance from the apartment.
11:15 how we got into this bar is beyond me. Now 7 hours into our drinking adventure I neter Maggies (the bar) and promptly hand the bouncer my keycard to the apartment and do not understand why he doesn’t accept this as proper identification. After finding my ID Gordie and I make our entrance known to the 15 to 20 people in the bar still drinking on a Sunday night. The waitress comes up. Time to fuck with her. I let he know that I think she has been drinking on the job and should probably be fired for being drunk at work. While I totally pulled this one out of my ass, she somehow remarked that her boss said the same thing to her. Confused I did what I know how to do best. I ordered 4 shots of jager with a couple beerbacks for me n gordie to get back on track. Little did I know the excessive shot taking was going to be the end of me on this particular night.
12:00 I am trying to convince the waitress that she will not get fired for doing shots with us. While she finds me wildly amusing she is not sold on the idea, I tell her I will hide her from her boss, and do so by holding my arm up, clearly not blocking anything. I do all of this while taking a shot with my other hand, what a drunken mess I am.
??? This is when the night gets a little hazy. After talking to some random guys at the bar and doing shots with them and our waitress gordie starts a game of pool with a few of them. The waitress leaves and this is the last Dean was heard of. I disappear. Gordie spends the rest of the night looking for me. No one has a clue where I am, including myself. The next thing I remember is waking up, dazed, very confused, and cold, in the back seat of a jeep wrangler. I don’t know the owner of this vehicle nor do I have any idea how I got into it. I do know that I was violently shaking from cold and stumbled my way back to the apartment, falling over at least 10 times on the way back. When I got in Yale and Gordie tell me that my speech was inaudible and nothing could be heard over the chatter of my teeth anyway. I told them where they could shove their shine boxes and passed out.
