marmalarma (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} marmalarma) wrote,@ 2006-02-09 13:40:00 |
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That escilated quickly
DISCLAIMER: TO ANY GIRLS WHO PLAN ON READING THIS AND THINK THAT I AM SOMEWHAT OF A NICE GUY, READ NO FURTHER YOUR OPINION IS BOUND TO CHANGE AS I AM, HOW DO I PUT THIS, SOMEWHAT UNKIND IN MY RETELLING OF THE WOMEN INVOLVED IN THIS NIGHT. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Last night we went to B-Dubs to watch the pistons and MSU bball game. Tony G came out in standard wednesday fashion. I ordered some food to soak up the copious amounts of booze that I will inevitably injest tonight. At about halftime we start ordering rounds of shots everytime the waittress comes around. The pistons are winning, the spartans are winning, the shots are flowing, i love life. At one point during the game tonyG makes the waittress feel his hands, claiming that they are the softest youll ever feel. They are in fact soft, and yes he is in fact gay. They have a raffle for a MSU jersey and they handed out free tickets. They call off the numbers and tonyG starts yelling "blondie! blondie! call out another number." She gives us a funny look and puts the mike down, she is not amused. Some girls walk up to claim the jersey, I am angered by this. I start yelling that women can't wear jerseys, they in turn are not amused. I quench the fires of rage with some beer. It seems to be working. At about 945 me and tonyG head over to Ricks to try and avoid the line. We get a few beers and post up at the only table left. The waittress doesn't immediately come over to start the endless barrage of shots that will ensue, I am angered, then I remember she is gorgeous, I let it slide. She makes her way over and I ask her a question that has been nagging at me for months. No I dont ask her out, I leave that to Hooven and Chet to get shot down at. I ask her if anyone else in East Lansing spends as much as we do at the bar (sidenote-our bar tabs regularly peak 400+ when the most expensive drink at the bar is about 5$). She confirms my suspicions we are indeed the most bout it bout it niggas in East Lansing. We ask her why we don't have VIP cards because now we are obviously too important to wait in line. She doesn't know and says we should talk to the manager, tonyG says "no, no, no sweetie the manager needs to come and talk to US." Everyone else arrives shortly after, tonyG orders 10 labatts. We inquire if he is bringing out the canadian hockey team with him. At some point in the might our waittress from last night comes by and says hi, she leans into her friend and whispers something. The only part I can make out is "this guy tipped me...." , I smile, I rule the world with an iron fist full of cash. Everyone was wrong happiness can indeed be bought, I demonstrate this by ordering another round of shots. I in turn am happy. Some skeezers roll over that know tonyG. Two of them are hot as fuck and one of the hotties is all over tonyG. This is the turning point in the night, because one of her friends, a hogbeast if there ever was one, starts pulling her away from tony. It is clear that the chunkseedaisy will not let tonyG take the skeezer home. At this point I have two options, a. I can hit on the other hot skeezer and hope that tonyG can manage to secure his skeezer from the hogbeast. or b. I can man up and hit on the hogbeast to wingman it for tonyG. Being the friend that I decide to wingman it for tonyG. One of the deciding factors in this was the other hot skeezer (who happens to be in my major) tells me she can't wait to graduate so she can start making 30k a year. It is all I can do to not laugh in her immaculate breasts, because I haven't looked her in the eyes yet, 30k is not only a comical sum to be excited to make, but it is a disgrace of a sum to make if you are a packaging major. Stupid girl, jobs are for men. So I man up and wingman it. We descend onto the dance floor, I make the best of the situation and start saying the most obscene things I can to the chunker. Then is happened. It was like an episode of when animals attack. I had a hippo descend upon me and start making out with me, in front of everyone. I am embarassed and disgusted. I console myself of the years of slavery I will subject his firstborn child to, which he obviously owes me after this. The other hot skeezer eventually grabs up tonyG's hottie and my hogbeast and makes them leave. Oh sweet irony. I wingmanned it with the landwhale to try and hook up tonyG and the hottie was the one who cockblocked him. I then realize that I also got cockblocked.....from taking a chunker home! I no longer rule the world. I am less than a man. Then I have what drunks refer to a moment of clarity and I realize that I dont have to wingman it with a chunker anymore. Thank you hot skeezer, if you ever read this I owe you one. It is at this point that Suds comes over and informs us that we have to leave NOW. Apparently Sticks got kicked out or was in the process of getting kicked out. The bouncer asked him to leave because he had his head down, sticks told him to fuck off and go get the manager claiming that he pays this fucks salary, which he indeed does. The manager comes over and tells sticks to leave. The bouncer tries to fight him, now for those of you that dont know sticks, he attained this nickname because he is disabled and walks around on crutches. So now we have this bouncer trying to start shit with our disabled friend. I dont care if the kid takes his pants off and pisses on your foot in the middle of the bar, which he indeed has done, you dont fuck with my boy sticks. This incites our group into dangerous riot levels. Suds who has a clear head closes out all of our tabs and escorts us out of the bar. The bouncer follows us out and informs us that we wont be allowed back in, we laugh in his face and ask him if he really wants to follow us out into the parking lot and start shit with us. He no longer has the crew of Ricks at his back and slinks back into the bar. I vow to avenge this wrong doing by making another one of East Lansings finer establishments rich. I start by hitting up menna's joint. The night begins to wind down and we take a cab back to our apt, we alternate between calling up every girl we know with promises of a gangbang or telling anyone we can talk to online to go get there fucking shineboxes, suprisingly they do not accept and drive over at 3am to run it, and our friends do not get their shineboxes. I slip into a liquor induced coma feeling as if I have failed at something tonight but cant seem to recall what.
DISCLAIMER: TO ANY GIRLS WHO PLAN ON READING THIS AND THINK THAT I AM SOMEWHAT OF A NICE GUY, READ NO FURTHER YOUR OPINION IS BOUND TO CHANGE AS I AM, HOW DO I PUT THIS, SOMEWHAT UNKIND IN MY RETELLING OF THE WOMEN INVOLVED IN THIS NIGHT. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Last night we went to B-Dubs to watch the pistons and MSU bball game. Tony G came out in standard wednesday fashion. I ordered some food to soak up the copious amounts of booze that I will inevitably injest tonight. At about halftime we start ordering rounds of shots everytime the waittress comes around. The pistons are winning, the spartans are winning, the shots are flowing, i love life. At one point during the game tonyG makes the waittress feel his hands, claiming that they are the softest youll ever feel. They are in fact soft, and yes he is in fact gay. They have a raffle for a MSU jersey and they handed out free tickets. They call off the numbers and tonyG starts yelling "blondie! blondie! call out another number." She gives us a funny look and puts the mike down, she is not amused. Some girls walk up to claim the jersey, I am angered by this. I start yelling that women can't wear jerseys, they in turn are not amused. I quench the fires of rage with some beer. It seems to be working. At about 945 me and tonyG head over to Ricks to try and avoid the line. We get a few beers and post up at the only table left. The waittress doesn't immediately come over to start the endless barrage of shots that will ensue, I am angered, then I remember she is gorgeous, I let it slide. She makes her way over and I ask her a question that has been nagging at me for months. No I dont ask her out, I leave that to Hooven and Chet to get shot down at. I ask her if anyone else in East Lansing spends as much as we do at the bar (sidenote-our bar tabs regularly peak 400+ when the most expensive drink at the bar is about 5$). She confirms my suspicions we are indeed the most bout it bout it niggas in East Lansing. We ask her why we don't have VIP cards because now we are obviously too important to wait in line. She doesn't know and says we should talk to the manager, tonyG says "no, no, no sweetie the manager needs to come and talk to US." Everyone else arrives shortly after, tonyG orders 10 labatts. We inquire if he is bringing out the canadian hockey team with him. At some point in the might our waittress from last night comes by and says hi, she leans into her friend and whispers something. The only part I can make out is "this guy tipped me...." , I smile, I rule the world with an iron fist full of cash. Everyone was wrong happiness can indeed be bought, I demonstrate this by ordering another round of shots. I in turn am happy. Some skeezers roll over that know tonyG. Two of them are hot as fuck and one of the hotties is all over tonyG. This is the turning point in the night, because one of her friends, a hogbeast if there ever was one, starts pulling her away from tony. It is clear that the chunkseedaisy will not let tonyG take the skeezer home. At this point I have two options, a. I can hit on the other hot skeezer and hope that tonyG can manage to secure his skeezer from the hogbeast. or b. I can man up and hit on the hogbeast to wingman it for tonyG. Being the friend that I decide to wingman it for tonyG. One of the deciding factors in this was the other hot skeezer (who happens to be in my major) tells me she can't wait to graduate so she can start making 30k a year. It is all I can do to not laugh in her immaculate breasts, because I haven't looked her in the eyes yet, 30k is not only a comical sum to be excited to make, but it is a disgrace of a sum to make if you are a packaging major. Stupid girl, jobs are for men. So I man up and wingman it. We descend onto the dance floor, I make the best of the situation and start saying the most obscene things I can to the chunker. Then is happened. It was like an episode of when animals attack. I had a hippo descend upon me and start making out with me, in front of everyone. I am embarassed and disgusted. I console myself of the years of slavery I will subject his firstborn child to, which he obviously owes me after this. The other hot skeezer eventually grabs up tonyG's hottie and my hogbeast and makes them leave. Oh sweet irony. I wingmanned it with the landwhale to try and hook up tonyG and the hottie was the one who cockblocked him. I then realize that I also got cockblocked.....from taking a chunker home! I no longer rule the world. I am less than a man. Then I have what drunks refer to a moment of clarity and I realize that I dont have to wingman it with a chunker anymore. Thank you hot skeezer, if you ever read this I owe you one. It is at this point that Suds comes over and informs us that we have to leave NOW. Apparently Sticks got kicked out or was in the process of getting kicked out. The bouncer asked him to leave because he had his head down, sticks told him to fuck off and go get the manager claiming that he pays this fucks salary, which he indeed does. The manager comes over and tells sticks to leave. The bouncer tries to fight him, now for those of you that dont know sticks, he attained this nickname because he is disabled and walks around on crutches. So now we have this bouncer trying to start shit with our disabled friend. I dont care if the kid takes his pants off and pisses on your foot in the middle of the bar, which he indeed has done, you dont fuck with my boy sticks. This incites our group into dangerous riot levels. Suds who has a clear head closes out all of our tabs and escorts us out of the bar. The bouncer follows us out and informs us that we wont be allowed back in, we laugh in his face and ask him if he really wants to follow us out into the parking lot and start shit with us. He no longer has the crew of Ricks at his back and slinks back into the bar. I vow to avenge this wrong doing by making another one of East Lansings finer establishments rich. I start by hitting up menna's joint. The night begins to wind down and we take a cab back to our apt, we alternate between calling up every girl we know with promises of a gangbang or telling anyone we can talk to online to go get there fucking shineboxes, suprisingly they do not accept and drive over at 3am to run it, and our friends do not get their shineboxes. I slip into a liquor induced coma feeling as if I have failed at something tonight but cant seem to recall what.
