marmalarma (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} marmalarma) wrote,@ 2006-02-16 04:55:00 |
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Chi-Town this is how we learned to get down....night 1
Ok before I go on with this story I first must use nicknames because some of the tales I am about to regale you with may summarily be counted as incriminating evidence against the guilty parties.
That being said we had been planning on going to chicago for quite sometime because my friend johnnyEnglish had lost his passport and that was the closest embassay to get it. So I called up my friend Mandy and asked if we could stay with her, she is somewhat absent minded so she didn't get back to me so we just say fuck it and go anyways assuming we can get a hotel. It just so happens that I have a test the morning that we had plan on leaving and didnt get any sleep. Whatever I man up and we pick up Meathead and SirDrinksALot and head off to chi-town. I manage to get a couple hours of sleep in on the drive and we try to book a hotel room over the phone with no success do to a bad signal and we were too inept to know where we wanted the hotel to be. So our directions led us to the hilton as we assumed that was a central location in Chicago and if we couldn't find a room there we would go to somewhere else (sidenote-everyone in the group either had money or had just made a run in poker so we were all more than willing to "ball till we fall"). We arrive at the hilton and they are all booked up, however the doorman is nice enough to direct us to another hotel and even gives us a brochure and direction to it, the name slips my mind at the moment. As we are driving to this hotel the neighborhood becomes more and more shitty, we stop seeing subways and mcdonalds and start seeing liquor shops and church's chicken's. We suddenly realize that we have passed our hotel and make an illegal turn. Of course it is right in front of a cop, we explain to him that we are from out of town and didnt know where we were going and our hotel was just right there. The cop looks at his partner kinda questioningly and says you guys dont wanna stay there, in fact he forbade us to stay there and gave us directions to nicer place in town. We go back to the hilton slightly upset that the doorman had directed us to a crackhouse of a hotel that the police refused to let us stay at. These people spend their time arresting criminals, and they found that it was worth that time to not arrest criminals and tell us not to stay there. So we talk to the manager at the hilton and ask if their doorman likes playing jokes, because he just told us to drive into hell and our ever nearing deaths. We then make the manager call up every hotel she can think of and try to get us a room, no such luck. Whatever, she goes outside to yell at the doorman and I can only assume fire him and we walk out and shoot him a "nice joke" in the middle of her tirade.
We end up driving for about a half an hour before we finally find a hotel with a room for thursday night only, whatever we take it and are damn happy about it. We buy some booze at the liquor store and I call up mandy and she is going to meet us at our hotel. I quickly realize that I am drained so I pop an addy to keep the night going. We retire to the room and fire up some jagerbombs, fun is had by all. Mandy arrives shortly and we make her do some jagerbombs, again fun is had by all. We go to a MSU bar in chicago, I take it as my responsibility to show her and her friends how spartans really party. I do this by ordering a nonstop barrage of shots everytime the waittress comes by. At one point mandy's friend maggie is handing her drinks to her other friend dree(sidenote-we didnt see much of dree later that night and i was later told we got her so drunk SHE COULDNT DRINK FOR A FUCKING MONTH). Mandy is also too drunk to continue so we send her in a cab home because she has class tomorrow and go out partying to this club a block down with her other roommate the mongster. At this point I am unaware of where i am, what time it is, or what is acceptable behavior. We skip the line by greasing the bouncers palm and figure why stop there and get a vip table. I demonstrate how drunk I am by wandering around aimlessly and going up to any girl i see and saying with my head down staring at the floor "i'm herb" and extending my hand as if to shake. A few walked away, a few introduced themselves, a few even tried to make conversation with me, and one girl even asked me what time it was, I replied with "i'm herb" hand extended head down. Needless to say I was kicked out shortly thereafter. The problem with this was that the bar doesnt close until 5am in chicago and it was bordering around 3am. So i had two hours to kill because as i mentioned before not only did i not know where i was but i had no idea where my hotel was nor did i even have a key if i did. So i pass the time by talking to the bouncer and every so often trying to juke and run by him only to quickly back up and say just joking bud (this guy was easily 250lbs of muscle, he could have ripped me limb from limb.) At one point i extend my hands in the air out to my sides with a 20$ in each palm saying "isnt there any way we can work this out". He declines. I again try a spin move past him only to be stopped again. Then i proceed to walk up to any girl that walks by and start talking to them asking if i can sleep at their place tonight because i am lost. They declined, i however didnt take rejection very well in my state so i decided to throw a few insults back some of the highlights are ; "its ok babe i dont wanna sleep on a bed of cheeseburger wrappers anyways", (i look over both of my shoulders) "i dont see anyone else waiting in line", "hey your not going to do any better than me so you mine as well settle", "yea i guess id be a bitch too if i were a raging dyke." So everyone eventually makes it out of the club and we take a cab back. Somewhere during this cab there is talk of a strip club, i am way to tired for that and i have to pee. So i tell the cabby to pull over before i pee on his cab, this is in the middle of a busy road that he stops, i run out and proceed to piss in some bushes in plain view. Then when they yell at me to get back in the cab i decide they will just make me go to a strip club and not sleep so i run away, where to i dont know. All i know is the next few hours were nonexistant as they went to the mongsters place and ended up back at the hotel before me. I walk into the lobby and realize i dont have my key. I make them call my room to confirm that i stay there. They call and no answer, i beg them to let me up there. They refuse, i tell them about how i got kicked out of the bar and my friends left me for dead (or naked women). They again refuse. I make them call again. No answer. I am there for two hours argueing with them(in reality it was 30 minutes tops but in my drunken stupor i thought it was two hours). Finally SirDrinksALot gets on the phone and tells the clerk, and i quote, "ship the sherbert to herbert." Apparently that was all they needed to hear because they proceeded to let me up.
sidenote-the more i recall that night the more i think that the clerk was continually telling me i could go up to the room but i was too drunk to realize it so i began arguing with them about why they should let me up and stating how bad my night was, all the while they are saying it is ok for me to go and being completely cooperative.
So I get to the room and immediately pass out. While i am passed out SirDrinksALot and Meathead decide to call up LITERALLY every escort service in the phone book. And to top it all of SirDrinksALot's and the mongster's phones got switched up so the mongster had escort services leaving messages on his phone for days. So they finally manage to get some hookers over to the hotel only to realize that they have been duped and the girl werent even hot enough for them (the girls) to pay to have sex with. However being a master of negotiation that these two are they start arguing over the price, because hey u dont call some hooks over to the room to not run it. This is going ok until the hooks see me and johnnyEnglish passed out in the only bed in the room. They say something along the lines of who are those two guys. SirDrinksALot plays it cool and says its no big deal theyre cool they wont wake up. The prosties tell them they wont do anything with us in the room. Then they proceed to get the door slammed in their faces.
The next morning I wake up and think wow thats weird why am i sleeping so close to JohnnyEnglish, then i look over my right shoulder and think wow now thats really odd because Meathead is on my other side, THEN i lean up little further and see SirDrinksALot asleep on his right side. Yep they turned down the prosties to run it 4 deep in the only bed in the room with me and johnnyEnglish. Oh what a night.
to be continued......
Ok before I go on with this story I first must use nicknames because some of the tales I am about to regale you with may summarily be counted as incriminating evidence against the guilty parties.
That being said we had been planning on going to chicago for quite sometime because my friend johnnyEnglish had lost his passport and that was the closest embassay to get it. So I called up my friend Mandy and asked if we could stay with her, she is somewhat absent minded so she didn't get back to me so we just say fuck it and go anyways assuming we can get a hotel. It just so happens that I have a test the morning that we had plan on leaving and didnt get any sleep. Whatever I man up and we pick up Meathead and SirDrinksALot and head off to chi-town. I manage to get a couple hours of sleep in on the drive and we try to book a hotel room over the phone with no success do to a bad signal and we were too inept to know where we wanted the hotel to be. So our directions led us to the hilton as we assumed that was a central location in Chicago and if we couldn't find a room there we would go to somewhere else (sidenote-everyone in the group either had money or had just made a run in poker so we were all more than willing to "ball till we fall"). We arrive at the hilton and they are all booked up, however the doorman is nice enough to direct us to another hotel and even gives us a brochure and direction to it, the name slips my mind at the moment. As we are driving to this hotel the neighborhood becomes more and more shitty, we stop seeing subways and mcdonalds and start seeing liquor shops and church's chicken's. We suddenly realize that we have passed our hotel and make an illegal turn. Of course it is right in front of a cop, we explain to him that we are from out of town and didnt know where we were going and our hotel was just right there. The cop looks at his partner kinda questioningly and says you guys dont wanna stay there, in fact he forbade us to stay there and gave us directions to nicer place in town. We go back to the hilton slightly upset that the doorman had directed us to a crackhouse of a hotel that the police refused to let us stay at. These people spend their time arresting criminals, and they found that it was worth that time to not arrest criminals and tell us not to stay there. So we talk to the manager at the hilton and ask if their doorman likes playing jokes, because he just told us to drive into hell and our ever nearing deaths. We then make the manager call up every hotel she can think of and try to get us a room, no such luck. Whatever, she goes outside to yell at the doorman and I can only assume fire him and we walk out and shoot him a "nice joke" in the middle of her tirade.
We end up driving for about a half an hour before we finally find a hotel with a room for thursday night only, whatever we take it and are damn happy about it. We buy some booze at the liquor store and I call up mandy and she is going to meet us at our hotel. I quickly realize that I am drained so I pop an addy to keep the night going. We retire to the room and fire up some jagerbombs, fun is had by all. Mandy arrives shortly and we make her do some jagerbombs, again fun is had by all. We go to a MSU bar in chicago, I take it as my responsibility to show her and her friends how spartans really party. I do this by ordering a nonstop barrage of shots everytime the waittress comes by. At one point mandy's friend maggie is handing her drinks to her other friend dree(sidenote-we didnt see much of dree later that night and i was later told we got her so drunk SHE COULDNT DRINK FOR A FUCKING MONTH). Mandy is also too drunk to continue so we send her in a cab home because she has class tomorrow and go out partying to this club a block down with her other roommate the mongster. At this point I am unaware of where i am, what time it is, or what is acceptable behavior. We skip the line by greasing the bouncers palm and figure why stop there and get a vip table. I demonstrate how drunk I am by wandering around aimlessly and going up to any girl i see and saying with my head down staring at the floor "i'm herb" and extending my hand as if to shake. A few walked away, a few introduced themselves, a few even tried to make conversation with me, and one girl even asked me what time it was, I replied with "i'm herb" hand extended head down. Needless to say I was kicked out shortly thereafter. The problem with this was that the bar doesnt close until 5am in chicago and it was bordering around 3am. So i had two hours to kill because as i mentioned before not only did i not know where i was but i had no idea where my hotel was nor did i even have a key if i did. So i pass the time by talking to the bouncer and every so often trying to juke and run by him only to quickly back up and say just joking bud (this guy was easily 250lbs of muscle, he could have ripped me limb from limb.) At one point i extend my hands in the air out to my sides with a 20$ in each palm saying "isnt there any way we can work this out". He declines. I again try a spin move past him only to be stopped again. Then i proceed to walk up to any girl that walks by and start talking to them asking if i can sleep at their place tonight because i am lost. They declined, i however didnt take rejection very well in my state so i decided to throw a few insults back some of the highlights are ; "its ok babe i dont wanna sleep on a bed of cheeseburger wrappers anyways", (i look over both of my shoulders) "i dont see anyone else waiting in line", "hey your not going to do any better than me so you mine as well settle", "yea i guess id be a bitch too if i were a raging dyke." So everyone eventually makes it out of the club and we take a cab back. Somewhere during this cab there is talk of a strip club, i am way to tired for that and i have to pee. So i tell the cabby to pull over before i pee on his cab, this is in the middle of a busy road that he stops, i run out and proceed to piss in some bushes in plain view. Then when they yell at me to get back in the cab i decide they will just make me go to a strip club and not sleep so i run away, where to i dont know. All i know is the next few hours were nonexistant as they went to the mongsters place and ended up back at the hotel before me. I walk into the lobby and realize i dont have my key. I make them call my room to confirm that i stay there. They call and no answer, i beg them to let me up there. They refuse, i tell them about how i got kicked out of the bar and my friends left me for dead (or naked women). They again refuse. I make them call again. No answer. I am there for two hours argueing with them(in reality it was 30 minutes tops but in my drunken stupor i thought it was two hours). Finally SirDrinksALot gets on the phone and tells the clerk, and i quote, "ship the sherbert to herbert." Apparently that was all they needed to hear because they proceeded to let me up.
sidenote-the more i recall that night the more i think that the clerk was continually telling me i could go up to the room but i was too drunk to realize it so i began arguing with them about why they should let me up and stating how bad my night was, all the while they are saying it is ok for me to go and being completely cooperative.
So I get to the room and immediately pass out. While i am passed out SirDrinksALot and Meathead decide to call up LITERALLY every escort service in the phone book. And to top it all of SirDrinksALot's and the mongster's phones got switched up so the mongster had escort services leaving messages on his phone for days. So they finally manage to get some hookers over to the hotel only to realize that they have been duped and the girl werent even hot enough for them (the girls) to pay to have sex with. However being a master of negotiation that these two are they start arguing over the price, because hey u dont call some hooks over to the room to not run it. This is going ok until the hooks see me and johnnyEnglish passed out in the only bed in the room. They say something along the lines of who are those two guys. SirDrinksALot plays it cool and says its no big deal theyre cool they wont wake up. The prosties tell them they wont do anything with us in the room. Then they proceed to get the door slammed in their faces.
The next morning I wake up and think wow thats weird why am i sleeping so close to JohnnyEnglish, then i look over my right shoulder and think wow now thats really odd because Meathead is on my other side, THEN i lean up little further and see SirDrinksALot asleep on his right side. Yep they turned down the prosties to run it 4 deep in the only bed in the room with me and johnnyEnglish. Oh what a night.
to be continued......
